Resentment often arises from feelings of being treated unfairly, creating unhappiness and anger. According to Dr. Gene Beresin, a psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School, resentment builds over time and negatively impacts relationships.

In families, it may lead to a loss of trust and feelings of neglect or rejection.

Children who experience these emotions may carry insecure relationship patterns into other areas of life. This could lead to isolation, anger, or even self-blame, resulting in guilt and low self-esteem. However, such outcomes can be avoided through thoughtful parenting approaches.

Encouraging Growth and Connection

Kristene Geering, a parent educator, highlights the importance of fostering growth in family relationships. She emphasizes the need for compassion, mutual understanding, and leaving room for mistakes and learning. By addressing issues openly, resentment can be mitigated.

Below are some behaviors that contribute to resentment and ways to approach them differently.

Key Parenting Behaviors That May Lead to Resentment

Inconsistency in Parenting

Children thrive on structure and consistency. When rules and consequences are applied unevenly, children may feel confused and insecure. Dr. Beresin explains that inconsistency can make kids view their environment as unpredictable, which may foster resentment.

Maintain clear rules and routines, but if disruptions occur due to life changes, communicate openly with your child. Highlight special occasions when exceptions are made to avoid confusion.

Unfulfilled Promises

Failing to keep promises can lead to disappointment. Clinical psychologist Dr. Keneisha Sinclair-McBride suggests acknowledging the situation, validating feelings, and making plans to fulfill the promise. Openly addressing unintentional oversights helps maintain trust.

Lack of Explanations

Children may perceive situations as unfair if reasons are not provided. Explaining decisions in an age-appropriate way can build mutual respect. For instance, explaining why younger children have different bedtimes than older siblings helps them understand rather than resent the rules.

Rigid Language

Using inflexible phrases like “always” or “never” can create disconnect. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart suggests adopting language that fosters connection. Ask questions to understand your child’s feelings and encourage problem-solving together.

Supporting Individuality and Autonomy

Imposing Personal Expectations

Parents sometimes project their aspirations onto their children. While setting expectations is essential, it’s important to support children as unique individuals. Recognizing their interests and dreams nurtures trust and reduces resentment.

Over-Monitoring

Excessive supervision can undermine personal responsibility and trust. Provide structure while allowing children the space to make mistakes and learn from them. Use these moments to guide them constructively, fostering independence and self-reliance.

Fostering Positive Emotional Connections

Invalidating Feelings

Parents may unintentionally dismiss a child’s emotions by focusing on their own frustrations. Instead, validate your child’s feelings and encourage conversations about emotions. Modeling gratitude for shared experiences can promote a positive outlook.

Perceived Favoritism

Even when unintended, perceived favoritism can create resentment. Recognize each child’s unique needs and strive for fairness. Open discussions about feelings can help clarify misunderstandings and build stronger family bonds.

By addressing these behaviors thoughtfully, families can nurture stronger connections and reduce feelings of resentment, fostering a more supportive and understanding environment.

The Only Cure for Resentment

Video by Dr. Mark Baker